Hearts

Hearts are an interesting part of the human body. A heart is the only instrument that still works even when it is broken. Hearts can be hardened, softened, broken, healed, given away, stolen, heavy, light, empty or full. Hearts are the vital organ that pump blood to the rest of the body, giving the body warmth and life.

Different people can have different places in your heart, some will stay and take over more of your heart, while others will leave, and sometimes take that part of your heart with them. I have many people embedded so deeply in my heart, that they cannot possibly leave without taking a huge part of it with them, whether they want it or not.

I am a very sensitive girl. I am very much lead by my heart and my feelings, moreso than logic and thoughts. My heart has taken a beating throughout my life, as I am sure most people's have; yet it still beats, it still loves, and it still feels. Sometimes I feel that being emotional is a weakness. And maybe sometimes it is. But I also feel like it is a strength.

I am a believer. A dreamer. A hoper. Hoping is courageous. When one hopes, they put their heart and soul on the line, and take a chance. They reach for things they want, knowing good and well that sometimes those things may be out of reach. That is scary. It takes courage. But in my opinion, it is totally worth it.

I love putting my heart into everything. It may cause some tears here and there, some pain and sorrow, but at least I can say I tried. That I lived and that I loved. My heart contains some scar tissue, but it is still beating, still loving, and still hoping. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Words to Live By

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Enjoy. :)

Decisions and Agency

Every day I am making decisions, some bigger than others. But, each decision directly affects me! Every. Single. One. Obviously some have bigger consequences than others, but each one has their consequences.

Some decisions I will be making in the near future weigh heavy on my mind, day in and day out. I wake up in the middle of the night, panicking about the decision, playing out every possible scenario, and over thinking every detail, no matter how big or small. Even in my dreams, my decisions and worries are present and weighing down on me! Awake or asleep, my thoughts march on.

Today was no exception. My mind was preoccupied with decisions and choices, but today I had an "ah-ha" moment. Something I know I have realized many times, but every time I do, it brings me so much comfort. It's MY decision. I get to choose. I got a letter from Robert, and I had written him about a certain event that hurt my feelings, and he told me it was my choice to be offended, and to choose not to be. How simple of a statement, yet how true!

I get to choose whether or not to be offended. I get to choose whether or not to be happy. I get to choose who I talk to and what I say to them. I get to choose what to have for breakfast in the morning, who to share my thoughts and dreams with, and I even get to choose what I think about, even though sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

Basically, agency is a blessing. Life can be as full and as happy as you choose. I know that I am in charge of my future, and I get to pick what kind of a life I lead. People may not always understand my choices or agree with my decisions, but I know as long as I counsel with the Lord, it will all be okay.

The Wonderful Thing About Kristin...

So, I attend BYU, and freshman year I lived in the dorms, and met some way cool people, one of my favorite being Jannette! So Jannette and I decided to live together in the Elms, but at the last second we switched to the Atrium. Upon moving in, we met our other two roommates, Kristin and Christina.

My first impression of Kristin, is that she was suuuuuper patient! Her jelly jar had fallen out of the fridge and smashed, and she put it in a tupperware and spent hours and hours picking out all of the glass, never a complaint before/during/or after.

One Sunday towards the beginning of the year, we were sitting in Church, and Kristin had to squeeze passed, me. The following conversation occurred:
Me: Oh, sorry!
Kristin: You're good
Me: No, I'm GREAT!
Both: *lots of laughter*
This may sound like a silly little insignificant moment, but it was the start of a great friendship.

As the year progressed, Kristin became my social life. We cooked together, studied together, watched movies together, talked together, laughed and cried together, and basically everything was done with the both of us. Many memories were made with that girl.

April came around, and it was time to move out for Spring term! She and I switched over to the Brittany, and lived with our wonderful friend Aubrey! This was hands down the best semester/term I have EVER had. Every day was so much fun! Kristin and I once again did everything together, and I also got to witness the blooming relationship of her and Josh, her now husband. :)

This past weekend, Kristin was able to come visit me in Texas! It was one of the best weekends I have ever had! Just getting to catch up and reconnect with her was such a huge blessing, and it made my soul so happy. She just gets me! She can complete my sentences and explain my thoughts to me before I even share them with her, and her advice is phenomenal. I love her so much.

The wonderful thing about Kristin, is that she is my best friend, and I can count on her anytime. Rain snow, Utah, Texas, happy, sad, she is always there with lots of love, support, and smiles. :)

Love you girl.

M.L.I.A.

Today I was up in my room reading, and I felt like I should go read outside by the pool, so I did! I was sitting there reading for about a half hour, and I started to hear tiny splashes in the pool. By about the fourth episode of little splashes, I finally got up to see what it was, and there was a bird that couldn't fly in the pool! Luckily it was by the stairs, so I rolled up my jean shorts and got in and started reaching for the bird. Naturally, the bird was terrified and started flapping away into the middle of the pool, so of course I just had to get in (in my regular clothes) and save this little guy! I got him out safe and sound, and as I was standing there dripping by the side of the pool, I realized I couldn't go inside and drip all over the clean floors! So, I went to the little pool bathroom, took off my clothes, and wrapped myself in a little towel and went inside. Upon entering the house, I hear the doorbell ring, and then the voices of the Elders from our church. Panicking, I hid in the pantry until they left. Then I went upstairs, put on clothes, and continued reading. I saved a life today!

Yep. My life is average.

A Tribute to the Men

Today is Father's Day. I have been blessed with an amazing father. One who always looks out for me, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. He is always willing to talk, goes out of his way to get me little gifts and just show he cares. He has guided me through some rough waters in my life, made me laugh uncontrollably with his stories, and taught me many things. From my dad I have learned love, forgiveness, hard work, patience, understanding, and what kind of man I am looking for someday. I love my daddy.

But, I know that while I have been blessed with a father who is still a very active part of my life, many people do not enjoy that blessing. So thank you to all you grandpas, uncles, brothers, and other dear men that are helping fill that spot that needs to be filled. I have many precious people in my life that struggle with Father's Day, due to the lack of their father in their life, so I thank you deeply for softening that hurt of this special day, and know that you are recognized for your support and love.

While our earthly father figures may all differ, we do all have a father that we can count on and shouldn't forget on this special day, or on any day for that matter; our Heavenly Father. On Father's Day, I tend to recall very tender memories and touching moments that I have shared with my earthly father, and I am so grateful for those. But I also try to be acutely aware of what my Heavenly Father has done for me throughout my life as well. He has blessed me in so many ways, so many times, both when I felt worthy of His tender mercies, and those times when I have not. He is always there for us. He wants to hear from us, so that He can help us and love us and teach us, the way our earthly father figures try to do.

Thank you, all of you wonderful men. I know I have many stellar men in my life, and I want you to know that you all do make a difference, if to nobody else, to me.

Why Fix What isn't Broken?

Before today, when asked what is the worst feeling in the world, I might have answered a broken bone, or heartache, or no milk in the fridge. But, now what for me is the worst feeling in the world, is being told you are broken and need to be fixed. Let me explain:

Growing up, I was an awkward little kid, trying to grow into my own body, and one of my most noticeable traits was my ears sticking out. Many of my friends and peers would comment on it, some in a nasty and hurtful way. In fourth grade, I heavily debated getting them pulled back, to be "normal" like everyone else, but decided against it.

Fast forward to my first year of college. Living in the dorms, everyone is trying to meet everyone, names are hard to remember, yada yada. Found out a group of boys called me "Ears" because they couldn't remember my name. That stung a little, but I had grown comfortably into my own skin and ears.

Now let's go to today. Today, my mom shares with me an email she got from a plastic surgeon. He approached them about my ears, saying he could "fix" them, and since I wasn't married or anything (is this implied I won't get married because of my ears???) he could take care of it for me. Now that hurt. That stung. Having your parents approached by a plastic surgeon to "fix" you, implying that you are broken or that something is wrong. 

I could try to express to you the feeling of having my heart ripped out, or my confidence stripped from me, or the endless tears and emotional prayers that have occurred this morning, but I won't. I will share with you a more positive aspect from this very painful experience.

As a 21 year old single female, marriage is hopefully somewhere near in the future, and then my husband and I will start a family and have children. What kind of an example would I be setting for my children, "fixing" insecurities and little traits that make you an individual? When I have a daughter who doesn't like her nose, are we going to "fix" it like mommy "fixed" her ears? Because her nose is different from others, does that make it "broken" and something that needs to be "fixed"? No.

Maybe my ears detract or distract from my beauty, but who is anyone to tell me I am broken and need fixing? Each of our little traits that we are acutely aware of and try to hide or minimize, they are what make us individuals. What make us who we are. My ears stick out. Most people's don't. But putting them back, what will that "fix"?  I will still have the same heart, the same desires, the same humor, the same spirit, and that is what I should be working to fix and improve, not my little physical traits that are different. 

Love yourself. Love who you are, embrace your quirks and qualities. Be careful with your words for you never know whose soul or spirit you may have just damaged or crushed, whether it be temporarily or permanently.

Dear Future Husband,

Dear Future Husband,

I have some very good news for you!... Not only do you get to spend eternity with me (bless your heart), but you get to also be sealed to the Hanna family for the rest of forever! Now before you faint from excitement, let me tell you a bit of what that constitutes:

• You get to have my wonderful mother as your mother in law, which means that you will be treated like a king, remembered on every holiday, and a pro dog walker when we visit my parents. :)
• You'll get the best father in law you could ever ask for! He is a doctor which will come in handy when we get sick, or our kids get sick, but he is also great at advice, and he is going to give you some rock hard abs with how funny he is!
• Let me tell you about your sister in law and her husband (Kristen and Alex)! They are a party and a half! When they come back to the states, you and I will be visiting them often, having competitions and dinners together and all that jazz. You'll love them. :)
• If you think you're the luckiest guy now, I still have 3 more to tell you about! Robert is going to be your brother as well, and he is one seriously clever and hilarious guy! Y'all will have a good time. :)
• Elliot is going to be your brother as well, and you are going to really enjoy him! You can work out with him, talk about any subject under the sun with him, and just enjoy some stellar company, who also got the funny gene! (Common in all the Hanna's!)
• Last but not least, your other sister in law is Ashleigh. She is so great! She is willing to do just about anything for you, so when we see her, it will be such a treat! We will have to battle her in just dance, and out sing her in the car, but I think we can handle it! ;)

Yes, my dear future husband, you are getting a good deal. I mean, all you have to do is put up with me for the rest of forever, (handle my pranks, try to understand my twisted sense of humor, help me reach tall things, participate in my random dance parties, pardon my terrible singing, and love me and let me love you) and then you'll get to be a part of this wonderful family! I think you can handle it. :)

You're welcome ;)

Forever yours,

Lindsey

The Golden Gate State

This past week I spent in California visiting Matt, and it was a wonderful week! I have come home with many stories, adventures, and memories, and here are a few!

1. First off, I got to spend a whole week with this guy, which was amazing. He is great. :)

2. We went indoor skydiving, which was SUPER fun, and we both rocked it. :)

3. We got to spend a day in San Fran, walking the piers, going to Rainforest Cafe, playing a 7-d game/ride, getting some chocolate, and a little jog at the end!

4. It was my first time riding on a ferry (that I know of), and it was "ferry" fun. ;)

5. We went to a drive in movie with Amber and Mike, which was a blast! I loved it, they are great. :)

I don't have pictures to show for the rest of the activities, but we got to go on a picnic, go white water rafting (which was my first time and it was EPIC), visit my family in the area, swimming, playing Settlers, going to the park, and just enjoying time together with other little activities. 

I got to stay with the Goulding family, and it was a blast! I absolutely loved getting to know them all, and they are so fun and funny, and I hope they enjoyed having me at least 1/8th as much as I enjoyed spending time with them! They sacrificed a whole week to let me come and party with them, and I am very grateful. Hopefully I will be seeing them again soon! :)

Basically, it was one heck of a week, and if anyone wants to ship me back to California for round two, I would not be opposed. ;)